Losing at love? Think again

What would you think would be the number one cause of death for the approximately two dozen students I once taught who have now passed away at an age far younger than me?

No, it has not been cancer. Nor car accidents. It has been suicide. I was told by family and friends that each suicide was due to a “lost” romantic relationship - a “broken heart”.

These dear young people apparently felt that their love was unlucky and wasted. Therefore, life must have appeared to be hopeless and meaningless to them.

Having personally experienced far more than one "broken heart" over a lifetime, I can assure young people how well I know how badly it hurts. There exist few pains in this life sharper to the soul. “Love hurts!”, wailed the 70s rock band, Nazareth.

The poet Tennyson wrote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” For a long time those words remained some of my favorites regarding the contemplation of “lost” love. Yet as the years have worked their magic wand on me, I have come to believe that love is actually never “lost” at all (though during a romantic breakup, one may scarcely be able to believe it at the time). The pic above is from just a few years ago; yours truly with a beloved “old flame” of mine high on Roan Mountain one fondly remembered mid-summer’s eve.

Emotionally and spiritually speaking, love is everything. Repeat. Everything. Without love, life can appear to be pretty meaningless to we humans.

Apparently the Almighty shares much the same sentiment and reasoning as we mere mortals. All of Earth’s major religions unanimously uplift love as the epitome of our existence. My favorite verse from all of religious scripture is, “God is love”.

Indeed, we are unimaginably blessed whenever we experience love - in any and all of its innumerable flavors and forms - no matter how "unlucky" or "lost" it may appear to us to be at times.

I wish that I could somehow convey all this to the romantically brokenhearted - before they do something as tragic as taking their own lives.

Alas, the human brain is completely comprised of chemicals. Plain and simple. Nothing else is in there. Unless you count water - which is also a chemical compound. Such a complex mixture of chemicals as is the human brain can easily go awry.

Indeed, it all comes down to chemicals - and the intense human emotion they can invoke within our brains. We do well to remember that, especially when we become prone to judge those who take their own lives as being “weak” or “immoral”.

During the times I have counseled young people (it’s almost always the young) who are considering suicide, I have found that empathy and understanding are the most trusted of healers. When a person experiencing suicidal ideations receives only judgment and ridicule from friends and family, I have found the exact opposite effect occurs - such rigid actions actually make suicide more likely.

Through the long lens of time I can now see that love is (and always was) good - in all its countless categories and mysterious ways.