Realizing our greatest gift - and using it

It is the season of giving. But do any of us truly realize how blessed and lucky we are to have a brain that allows us to be “a giver”? (As the reader will soon see, there are those among us who are sadly not endowed in such a way.)

Most of us think that when we do good deeds toward others, we are being totally unselfish. Noble. Altruistic. Generous. And … maybe we are. To an extent.

Put simply; we do good because it feels good.

And we thought all along that we were doing good because we were noble, altruistic, and generous beings. Thank you, modern science, for the much-needed dose of humility.

Our ability to “do good” and “be a giver” is, indeed, the foundation of much of what makes us who we are.

Many of those who “give to others” often describe distinct feelings of euphoria (much akin to “getting high”, but with more lasting contentment).

From a purely scientific viewpoint, doing good toward others releases a flood of “getting high” chemicals within our brains (which leads many scientists to believe that we humans might even be genetically hard-wired and pre-programmed to be givers and do-gooders, if only we would realize it).

Dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin; these are the feel-good chemicals that we can naturally create within our brains, simply by being “good and giving” toward our fellow beings.

Do we really know just how blessed we are to have a brain that lets us “feel good” just for “doing good”?

Not everyone has a brain that is wired like that, you know. In a relatively small percentage of us, our psychological wiring goes destructively askew.

Not all the inmates I taught at the Bristol Jail could be portrayed as the good-ol’-boy “O’ Brother Where Art Thou” types I often write about here (though most truly were.)

Some were bonafide psychopaths.

I had a most interesting conversation with one such psychopathic inmate. This man had an extremely high IQ, combining with his deranged mind to create a particularly dangerous fate for most anyone who ever crossed his path in this life.

This man told me, “Mr. Talley, when I do good things for people, I feel bad. That is unless I do good things to set people up for something bad, then I feel good. But to do good just for the sake of doing good? It actually makes me physically sick and nauseous to even think about doing that. Neither fear nor guilt for using a person in a bad way ever happens in my brain. Yet when I pretend to do good to set somebody up for a bad fall, I feel high and happy. It’s like a drug. I’d cut off my left arm if it would change my brain to be more like yours. But it’s just who I am. I want to feel good, just like you do. There’s no difference in us on that goal. My brain just has a different way of getting me there.”

Spooky? Bone chilling? You better believe it. This man spoke his words to me in the most charming and gentle voice you can imagine. Yes, a few shivers went down my spine. But I honestly felt deep empathy for him. (Imagine, if you can, being having his brain. Be grateful, ever so grateful, that you do not.)

The reason I interjected his story is to highlight for the rest of us how lucky and blessed we really are. We should be ashamed for frittering away the chances we have every day to give to others and do good things in this world.

Remember, my friends, there are those among us who would cut off their left arms to have a brain like yours and mine. Let’s not waste the blessing of perhaps the greatest gift we’ve been given - the gift of being a giver.